I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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