whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
