at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
