Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
