Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
