I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
