you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
