No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
