Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
