ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
