I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
