Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
