I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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