who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize