yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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