I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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