U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He? As in you personified your dick?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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