Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
