im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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