just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
