There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
