It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
