he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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