You were right. It hurts to walk today.
worst night to have a conscience
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize