If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You smell like stripper and shame
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
