You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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