yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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