just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
