Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
