sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
