that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
