The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
