She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
