True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
