Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
