Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
