Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
