I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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