Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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