The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
