I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
