Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
