the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
