well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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