So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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