You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
