I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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