Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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