After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
