Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
