.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
