I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
