i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
