Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
