There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
