Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
