I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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