I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize