Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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