I hate all girls vehemently.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
