Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
