I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
