Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
