that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
