You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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