feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
