i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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