No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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