thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
