both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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