I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
