His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
