Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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