I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
