i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
