my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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