i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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