ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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