I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize