i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
