I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
