i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
