I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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