Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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