so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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