Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
