grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
