i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
