That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
